– Honestly, do you know what sciatica is? I ask, looking at her, showing with my eyes that I know she’s going to say something stupid. I feel safe patronizing her as she is the apartment building’s official racist bitch.
–It’s like diarrhoea, isn’t it? She answers, waving something away with her hand as if something smelled really bad. Did you catch it in Africa?
I’m in the stairwell, talking to my first floor neighbor. I’m struggling to climb the stairs, walking like a duck. She is at least 125 years old and should know what sciatica is. Don’t all old people suffer from it? I smile politely and tell her that I’d be walking up the stairs much more quickly if it were diarrhoea.
But why do I bother to talk to people about my killing sciatica when everybody has a different suggestion on how to cure it?
– You should go to a physiotherapist, said C yesterday. I know the best one in Paris. He hardly touches you, he just looks at you and talks to you. To that I answer that it sounds great but I’d be better out with some very hard & highly chemical drugs instead.
– You should go to my Kiné, said K an hour later. He manipulates you in all directions, then you leave feeling like it hurts even more but 4 days later you get better. To that I answer that it sounds great but I’d be better out with some very hard & highly chemical drugs instead.
– No, the only thing that works is a Magnétiseur, said H. He uses all sorts of magnets and finds the source of the pain. It works wonders. It’s the only thing that works against sciatica. To that I answer that it sounds great but I’d be better out with some very hard & highly chemical drugs instead.
– No need to look for the source of the pain. Said J. As it’s all in your head. If you decide to get better, you will. Try instead to look for the real reason why you are in pain. What were you trying to escape when it happened? To that I answer that it sounds great but I’d be better out with some very hard & highly chemical drugs instead.
Now, I’m surrounded by friends and they all have a theory while I am stretching in the sofa. For lifting my leg up is the only position that relieves the pain. But as you can see in the picture below, I can’t possibly be taken seriously when looking like this. I still don’t know what I should do or what kind of doctor I should see. But I’m sure you all have a theory about that. Let us hear it then. In the meantime, as I can’t stretch my right leg like this at work, I’ll be suffering in silence, begging for hard & very chemical drugs.
UPDATE: thank you all for the precious advice left in the comment box!
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