My Pain in Your Butt

I have a French female friend. Very chic. Very polite. Well-mannered and all. She comes from a good family and would never use dirty words. Well, not until she came to me the other day:

Friend: You know I lost it with an Australian couple the other day.

Me: Oh really, what happened?

Friend: Well, they were talking about France and how horrible French people are!

Me: Oh I see, so that’s why you lost it. But honey, you know everyone thinks we’re horrible, we just have to deal with it.

Friend: No, it’s not what made me lose it. So at first I asked them why they thought we were horrible and they said we didn’t work and were just a lazy bunch who were better at complaining than working.

Me: Oh my, I can’t believe Australians are saying that when we ALL know how THEY never work and stay on the beach all day! I understand why you lost it!

Friend: No, that wasn’t what made me lose it! Then they said that French women spent their working days painting their nails and putting make up on.

Me: Well, I’m understand that as a French hard-working woman, that made you really mad!

Friend: Well, wait, that wasn’t what made me mad, I mean it’s important to look pretty at work.

Me: So what made you so mad that you actually threw a fit at them?

Friend: You are never going to believe it. It’s so rude and unfair.

Me: Oh my god, did they complain again that the French won’t speak English?

Friend: No, worse!

Me: I don’t know, did they say that Paris was completely overrated?

Friend: No, Paris IS overrated.


Friend: They said that French baguettes were gross and French bread in general was tasteless.

Me: What???? No!!! They didn’t. Oh how dare they?

Friend: yes, I simply told them to piss off and leave if they were not happy.

She leaves the room, mumbling… “baguettes tasteless…pfffff”


20 Responses

  1. Ah, how could one be so sacrilegious as to blaspheme the French baguette? Now, mind you, I’m pretty discerning when it comes to the baguette these days, because you can certainly come across some pretty awful ones, unfortunately, and for that matter, I’ve never been to Australia — but I have a hard time believing that they seriously haven’t had any fabulous bread here! Send them to Eric Kayser, send them to that cute little boulangerie on rue des Abbesses (I’m forgetting the name now…) — send them to a million WONDERFUL boulangeries in Paris… They certainly must not have tried some of the good stuff. I don’t know what I would DO without my good bread fix here — it’s the best way to start a day!

    But your story is so funny… She wasn’t even miffed at being accused of painting her nails at her desk! Ha ha… But it’s the bread that sent her over the edge…

  2. French rude? Check. Lazy? Check. Baguettes tasteless? What the hell is wrong with those people?!?!

    (The cute little boulangerie is probably Coquelicot, which has some of the ebst bread this side of anywhere.)

  3. We have great bread here in Australia. But what we don’t do very well are baguettes. They are terrible here. The only great baguette is from France.

    Mind you it took me a while to get used to them. When I worked in France my hotel served me 1/2 baguette, some jam and a pot of coffee each and every morning (croissants on Sunday). After a couple of weeks of this I thought I would go crazy if I ever saw another baguette.

    But it was only a week after that that I actually fell in love with them and thenceforth each morning I could be heard murmuring over my breakfast “Mmmmmmmmm. Yummmmmm. Baguette. Mmmmmmm.”

  4. Dearest Fickelino, has your email changed? I’ve been trying to invite you to worship at The Altar of Ms. Mac next Saturday (lunch, goûte, drinks or dinner). But ‘ssssshhh’, it’s my Big Delicious Secret.

    Email me for more details!


  5. She must have a boyfriend/girlfriend or shares in a boulangerie.
    However, I must admit that, provided you find a good baker, there’s nothing tastier than a fresh crusty baguette. Pity they don’t keep though. . . . .

  6. omg–how I have missed you !

  7. Never met a French baguette I didn’t like. But then, I’m easily pleased.

  8. LOL Bob, was that a metaphor?

  9. Sacrilege! Sacre bleu!

  10. Yes…..and no.
    Question… gay bars in Paris charge an entrance fee?

  11. Ha! Where I come from, “good bread” is anything that’s been dethawed, slathered with margarine and garlic salt, and then toasted. So I can see how the more subtle french baguette might require a short period of adjustment…

    Kansas is not so different from Australia, right?

  12. Kansas and Australia alike? Not for a minute, Le Meg, not even for a second.

  13. Ouh la la. What do they know about bread, anyway? No, franchement. I mean, us Quebecois have long understood that Canadian bread sucks and have swapped over to the side of Baguettes. Seriously.

  14. […] from a good family and would never use dirty words. Well, not until she came to me the other day: town tries to forget Mail and GuardianThey still pray for Madeleine McCann in the little […]

  15. Outragious indeed. I would kill for a real baguette right now. Call the embassy !

  16. I’m Australian, and Paris is in no way overated, it’s one of the most beautiful cities in the world. And whilst we have amazing beaches here which it was suggested that we spend our working days on, we have no city that culd hope to compare with Paris.

    Bread – those Aussies are mad, French baguettes are divine, not to mention croissants and anything else bread or pastry-like.

    As far as French people being rude, let me just say that I don’t think they’re rude, just affected. See the book by the Aussie girl, Almost French.

  17. Your post is exactly what I keep trying to tell people: The French don’t care about fighting. They care about food.

  18. Christine, the French don’t care about food. They care about GOOD food! 🙂

  19. Please, please. Eating a good baguette is really good but eating a crap baguette… and there are alot of crap baguettes in France is about as good as eating tar.

    Yes, yes, you have a right to defend the baguette… but then remember too that other countries have a right to defend their national symbols and icons too — I find French people forget that alot.

  20. “Louis” is ROTFLHAO!!!!
    (Rolling On The Floor Laughing His @$$ Off!)

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