Of Mice and Frogs

I hadn’t been in my apartment for two days. When I unlocked the door I was expecting a mess as usual, but as I got closer to the table, I didn’t know I had left bread crumbs all over the apartment. But I wasn’t more worried than that as I frequently leave my apartment in such a hurry that I sometimes leave strange things behind. I can leave the keys in the fridge, I often forget that the windows are still open, I leave the lights on and I systematically leave various breakfast ingredients such as cereals or bread on the table. It’s only when I realized that I had also left small pieces of black rice on the table that I realized there was something fishy. I had black rice in Thailand but I never bought it here. After a closer look and 14 phone calls to different friends, I realized mice had been visiting my dining-room table and that the black rice was mouse excrement. Yes, it did take me a while to figure that one out.

I’m not really scared of rodents, I just feel really uncomfortable knowing that they share the same household as I do. So when I realized they had been visiting my bed as well, I undertook a serious cleaning session I should’ve done 6 months ago. I cleaned everything, even under the bed, vacuuming like a maniac fearing that a whole herd of rats would jump on me any minute.

I didn’t find any. Not a single hole to be seen. Nothing. I ran to the store and asked the shopkeeper for advice. He’s a very friendly Indian man with a big colourful turban on his head and a very strong accent. He sells flowery plates, umbrellas, hammers and rat poison.

Me: Can you please help me, I have mice in my apartment for the first time in my life. What should I do?

Turban man: (big laughter) ha ha ha, you rrrreally sure it’s mouse and not rrrrat (big rolling of r’s)

Me: I don’t know, are there any rats in Paris? I’ve seen mice here but not rats. I really hope it’s not a rat!

Turban man: ha ha ha, no rrrat here? You must see Rrrratatouille, it’s a storrrry of a rrrrrat who lives in Parrrris, very funny.

Me: so what should I do?

Turban man: You buy mouse trrrrap and rrrrat glue from hashish.

Me: Hashish glue? Isn’t that illegal?

Turban man: No, Hashish is my name. You buy glue frrrrom me.

Me: Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to be rude.

Hashish: Not rude,  I know Hashish have rrreally funny name. Good because hashish verrrry funny too!

Me:  (too stressed out to smile and too self-absorbed to appreciate humour) aha, but why glue?

Hashish: you put glue on piece of wood or carrrrdboard then you leave piece of cheese in the middle, then rrrrrat think “good cheese on that wood”, then rrrrat eat it but stay glued to the wood. Verrrry good, verrrry goooood!

Me: Oh that sounds so cruel. Thanks, that’s exactly what I need.

Hashish: You make good choice, you kill rrrrrat and be satisfied customer of Hashish.

So here I went with my Mouse traps and hashish glue, wishing hashish wasn’t only his name but also something he’d sold me, as I would’ve needed some right then. I got home, prepared everything and did as I always do when facing a problem in life: I fell asleep.

During my agitated sleep I dream that a huge rat is being glued on my piece of wood. My first reaction is to be relieved but then the rat has transformed into a tiny little mouse with small glued paws and it looks at me with sad eyes begging me to free it. But it’s glued there forever and I can’t do anything.  And since it’s a dream then things become a bit strange, Hashish and Bonnie Tyler appear in my apartment and I forget about the mouse.

Since then, I’ve seriously been wondering whether I should use this torture tool to get rid of my mice. I just can’t stop picturing the mouse’s little face looking at me and saying in squeeeky mouse language something like “I’m just a tiny little innocent mouse, trying to survive in this unfair world, don’t kill me”. So my question to you, dear readers, is: How do I get rid of a mouse without making it suffer too much? And if a mouse actually gets glued on my piece of wood, should I a) let it suffer and make it understand that it shouldn’t be playing with my stale baguette or b) should I use a hammer to stop its suffering?


16 Responses

  1. FROG!!!

    You need to get a cat and let nature take its course.

  2. Remember when I had those sticky traps? They’re very effective but they just sit there for days squealing – I had to finish mine off with a wine bottle. Then I got Miss Kitty and my mice problem disappeared.

  3. A cat sounds like a good idea … but if you want something a bit less permanent, try humane mouse traps.
    You catch the little buggers alive and release them where you thing is appropriate. It then becomes someone else’s problem. 🙂

  4. oh my lord… finishing them off via hammer or (ech) wine bottle sounds awfully messy. I think you need some rat poison.

  5. I would lend you Symphony, but she’d probably freak out upon seeing the mouse and fall asleep with you.

  6. ‘Yes, it did take me a while to figure that one out’
    Errm…. tell us, you didn’t taste it at all…. did you??? 😛

  7. I had mice in my garage… at least, the holes in boxes, the peed on baby pram and the rubber boat full. of. holes. led me to conclude that…

    Never saw one of the fuckers.

    Now we feed the neighbors cats so they keep coming and strolling around in our garden. Mice are evil.

  8. can you borrow miss kitty?

    count your blessings. i too, in days of yore, once had a mice problem. we caught TWENTY-ONE and stopped counting. we complained to the landlord. he said “don’t leave food out”. we DIDN’T even have any because we had JUST MOVED in.

    here was a suggestion i was given. items needed: bucket. sponge. water. peanut butter. piece of board. fill bucket with water. place peanut butter on sponge, then sponge in water, making a peanut butter island. place piece of board like a plank. mice climb up plank, try to get peanut butter, fall in water. mice don’t swim well. very helpful suggestion. also, mice can jump surprisingly high. (never would have believed it if i hadn’t seen it myself.)

  9. That is a hysterical story, Frog.

    And, of COURSE Paris has rats – tons of them, any place does, especially larger cities! Rats are everywhere. 😉

    And (one more “and”), I think you could use other methods/gadgets to take care of your problem, including more humane ones. Sorry to Hashish, but there are other solutions…

    Good luck and keep us posted! *HUGS*

  10. I reckoned that you should get Symphony in and record it on video…I really think Katia’s right, Symphony will just get freaked out. :-p

    Otherwise…I mean, the rodent left you “black rice” on your table. Now, think about it…are you going to let people do their do-do on your table and just let them get away with it? :-p

  11. In my home in rural NJ we’d get field mice every freaking winter when it got colder; they look for a warm cozy place for the winter. I absolutely hate them, dead or alive. I favor the traps that snap their little necks instantly, as the catch-and-release types only means they’ll come right back inside – they’re crafty and once they know how to find a food source, they’ll come back again. We tried poison one year instead of the traps, and all that happened was that one or more of them died inside the walls and it smelled for WEEKS afterward; not nice at all. So it was back to the traps again.

    Oh, I did see one rat here in Paris. I was in a taxi to Gare de Lyon at the break of dawn over near the Mitterand Library, just near the river, and I actually saw a rat CROSSING THE STREET, as bold as you please, heading for the garbage in front of a local restau. Remind me never to eat there.

    Ratatouille has made famous an actual rat-catching shop, called Aurouze. If Hashish’s suggestions aren’t helping, I suggest you check out that store, disgusting as it is to see stuffed rats and traps in the window. They have quite a catchy, Flashy website for their “deratisation” services: http://www.aurouze.fr/

  12. My first apartment was right next a small farm. When fall came and the weather cooled, I would hear a small but insistent squeeking at night and it freaked me out, since my bed was Japanese-style (really, I was too broke to buy a bedframe). One morning, I was in the kitchen and I saw something scurry into the bathroom. After pussy-footing over to the door and peeking in, I see the little mouse, sniffing about, looking for an escape. I hate to admit this, but… I picked up the plunger (which was the closest weapon) and bludgeoned that little mouse into mouse heaven.

    Sure, it would have been nice to be more humane. The mouse had a right to live… but he wasn’t paying me any rent money. 😛

  13. Suddenly, I feel so relieved to have roaches around here! I freaked out when saw a couple, coming back from holidays, never had any in my flat, but then afain, between mice/rats and roaches, bless the roach!

  14. I used a lot of those glue traps in my Paris appartement. And they always kept running into them when I was at home to witness the cruel act. I took the first one down to the waste bin, with headphones on, to not hear the squealing. I had a bad conscience for a week. The second one died alone. And when the third one ran into a glue trap and I couldn´t face another little creature begging me for her life, I called a friend to help me, who on arrival was shocked what I wanted to do and cut the mouse out of the glue trap. YES. He cut her out, gently removing the glue from her belly. We put her in a box and let her loose on the street. She was a bit confused, turned towards a waste bin and started to eat a cigarrette. We saved a nicotin addict.

  15. wats up dude

  16. The glue traps sound hideous. :/
    Humane traps & let them go in a park?

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