Good Mourning

Warning: Serious drama queen signals in this post.

Today, I’m mourning my best friend the Gaul girl, my partner in crime, my stress reliever, the one who prevented me from turning into a freak show when stress reached its peak a while ago, my only companion when I moved back to France 2 years ago and barely knew anybody. The natural extension of my right hand whom I decided to part from a month ago.

This afternoon, I missed her so much that I ran to the pharmacy and begged for help. I rushed between the shelves, prevented the old lady – who had patiently been waiting for her turn – from putting her long prescription onto the counter. With panic in my eyes, I said to the Pharmacist: “You must help me!”. I needed say nothing more. She understood my pain at once and screamed to her colleague: “Janine, give le Monsieur 15mg now!”.

I wasn’t sure what she referring to, but the concept of 15 milligrams sounded medical enough to make me feel better.

Quitting smoking is like losing a friend. Only real addictive personalities like me know what I’m talking about. I’m one of those, I get addicted to whatever I find, cigarettes, food, people, blogging and I just can’t stop. Don’t you dare look at me or I might turn into a stalker and write anonymous letters to you. That’s why I never tried drugs or I would’ve probably been 6 feet under by now or calling myself Rita, wearing a veil on my head and sunglasses at a rehab clinic somewhere in the Swiss Alps. (I have this very filmic picture in my head).

Strangely, it was easy at first. But it’s starting to sink in today. As if the one month anniversary was a wake-up call to who my best friend once was. So tonight I’m looking at people smoking at cafés and just can’t wait for this non smoking law to kick in, in January of next year. No more temptations. No more pigging out on Belgian waffles, listening to Joni Mitchell feeling sorry for myself as if something really terrible had happened. Now, instead, I’m addicted to this song. I’ve been listening to it about 30 times in a row and won’t stop listening until I start throwing up on it. That’s how I function. I may have issues, but what the hell, I’m mourning.


My former best friend


My ersatz best friend


21 Responses

  1. Hello,

    You don’t know me, but I’ve been quietly reading your posts, and they are soooo fab. Don’t worry, I’m way too far to be a stalker.
    I luv, luv, luv this version of her song. The movie Love Actually utilizes this song perfectly to a scene in the movie with Emma Thompson.

    I know what would get you out of your funk, to repost Dirty French Lessons. can’t seem to open the Youtube, but I know I totally could of used this lession when in Paris last, which was 1st week of Feb. I dare say I called a metro clerk a fn cow? for lack of a better #@$%? Please, please, please, but I’ll understand if you totally ignore me.

    Very truly,
    A fan in Queens, NY

  2. Clever post. I love your blog! I hope the quitting smoking thing gets easier every day… someday, you’ll be glad you quit and went through all this anguish…

  3. Ang04: Thanks, I’m delighted to have a fan in Queens as NY is my favorite city in the world. I’ll reactivate the dirty French lesson for today, it’s no big deal, but I have all these Greek people on my back writing angry emails to me about this video… if you see it, you’ll understand why.

    Jennifer: the worst part is that I’ve tried before, I once quit for 2 years. So I can fall back again any time. Thanks for visiting.

  4. That Gaul Girl is an total bitch, you don’t want to have anything more to do with her. Take it from one whose best friend is currently Mr Celebrations Crappy Chocolates. I’m off to listen to “Ne Me Quitte Pas” 387 times.

  5. I am cursing the Gaul Girl too, as I write…
    I very much enjoyed your blog, especially the Joni Mitchell part.
    I am thinking of taking up smoking again so I can look at the clouds of smoke differently and think of you with your miserable little patch…
    Frog with Smog, or without, whatever…
    I have been listening unceasingly to Gotye’s “Heart’s a Mess”. It’s on my blog under same title. It’s driving me insane. I think I may need to take up smoking to quit my addiction.

  6. Yeah, what lesley said… gaul girl is a bizzo. You’re better off without her. Hang in there, you can do it! You’ve come this far…

  7. Tiens bon Mickelino! You are doing a great job (and you smell so nice up close!)

  8. It must be really difficult. I’m glad I never started smoking. I have enough problems with food addiction !

    Congratulations !

  9. I smoked my last cigarette on June 27, 1989 at 11:15 AM and never looked back. Funny thing, though, in my dreams, I’m still a smoker.

  10. […] Original post by frog with a blog […]

  11. Hang in there!! You are doing great!! It truly does get easier – I quite many moons ago.

  12. Please don’t think of your Gaul friend anymore or else you won’t be able to carry your mom’s case, think of favourite Mr B, He is much safer!

  13. Much appreciated FB. Gosh, Greeks just don’t understand.

    BTW, your English is very good. And, am so jello of your expat blog pals. You guys seem to have a lot of fun, in the City of lights.

  14. Go FWAB Go!! You can do it!! C’mon, you can do it!! It must be so hard trying to quit there, I can’t imagine. Here in Seattle I go months without seeing someone smoke.

    I wish January would come faster for you, hey I am also highly addictive type; I can eat a whole jar of peppercinis without stopping!! 🙂

    I am rooting for you!!

  15. […] Original post by frog with a blog […]

  16. OMG we are so in sync’ (NO, we are not N’Sync, you dreamer !)

    I quit smoking a month ago too – and I will admit to a few moments of weakness this last week. (5 cigs so far)

    I will proudly confide that I have NOT bought a pack though. And since I’m going cold turkey (no nicorette!!!) I’m still proud of my achievement !

  17. You can do it. I smoked for 20 years and loved it. If I can quit anyone can- you are through the hardest part and remember if you start up again you will have to quit all over and that sucks.

  18. I see you have a fan in Queens, how lovely. See Micke, NY loves you!
    This video was like classic history, huh? That was wonderful, breathtaking.
    Smoking is my next vice to go. I’m down to a pack a day but I still hold on. I love to smoke but hate it like an abusive love affair, ya know. Dirty shit, it is but I am next on the “Quit List.”
    Bravo Darling, Bravo!

  19. i stumbled in via flare’s blog a few weeks ago. i burst out laughing at “calling myself rita.”

    i want to call you rita. screw gaul.

  20. What a great way to share your angst with the rest of us… We feel your pain, really we do! Although, admittedly, I never got into the cigarette thing, I have a bit of a weakness of (too much) wine… And supposedly it’s not so good for us women. So I’m going to have to start cutting back!

  21. Only 2 weeks since quitting here, so look forward to be inspired by your progress.

    Feels good not to smell, and be breathless, and feel shame about smoking.

    I understand the thing about losing a friend, but he was never a good friend, he was manipulative and deceitful, and we are better off without such friends!

    Hang in there and good luck…

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