How Wonder Frog jumped into a ravine full of turd and saved the day

This is a sea-cucumber

So we took a small airplane that moved a lot and got to Ajaccio. Ajaccio, along with Bastia are the only places you could call cities in Corsica, the rest of it consists of a few houses that they call villages hanging from a very steep cliffs, all of it looking beautiful but very sleepy.
We were quite excited about seeing our new home for 8 days. The trailer.
Le camping-car. Which was to be renamed Bernard-Le Camping-Car (it rhymes in French). Bernard was to take us around the island and we would be driving furiously along a transparent blue sea, playing very loud music, singing and let our hair flap in the breeze through the rolled down windows. I have no hair left and Favourite Mr. B decided to shave his completely before leaving so there couldn’t be any flapping in the end. Plus, each of us was convinced that someone else would bring the CDs so in the end there was no music. There was a radio but Corsica doesn’t seem to catch any radio program apart from its own, so we had to suffer through Corsican out-of-tune traditional chants throughout the week needless to say we never really listened to the radio.

 

 

 

 

But it didn’t matter since we were on vacation and we had decided it was going to be great. And indeed it was. I’ll spare you the details of everyday and just tell you that we hardly did anything. When we booked Bernard-Le Camping Car, we got 1.000 free kilometers. We only used 300 of them. Firstly because driving in Corsica is not fun, winding roads along ravines with remains of cars and trailers at the bottom of them. Secondly because once we got there and after having worked so hard during the previous weeks, we all agreed this vacation was going to be sea, food and sun. Sorry could add sex in there, as a trailer with 5 adults in it, is not the ideal place for privacy. Unless you are into orgies between a steering wheel and a chemical toilet but that wasn’t my cup of tea.This is Bernard Le Camping-Car

We had planned to save so much money on accommodations since we had the trailer and, before we left, we could picture ourselves camping in the wild, conveniently parking our vehicle in front of the beach and organize fire and barbecues on the beach. The trailer-renting guy – who met us at the airport – quickly told us that camping outside camping-grounds was not authorized in Corsica unless we took the time to talk to the local village mayors and asked for a special authorization and then accepted to treat them to a drink. We are all quite sociable people but trusting the exaggerated prejudice on Corsican mafia and night-time bombings we thought camping-grounds were a better option. I know, so lame of us… shhhh!

 

Beautiful Sartène

So in the end, the trip was not as cheap as we’d planned. I should’ve known it since the rule when you travel is always: I brought too many clothes and not enough money.

 

 

Hiking along the sea

So we hiked along the coast, which was absolutely superb, swam in a warm clear blue sea and ate dried sausages all the time. The only problem was the jelly-fish, a small red variation of it that roamed the beaches and kept on chasing me. For some strange reason, all the naughty animals are drawn to me: jelly-fish, mosquitoes and children especially. I really don’t like jelly-fish, along with horses, rabbits and birds, they must be the stupidest and least useful animals God created. Although, the Chinese eat jelly-fish soup, which I once tasted in Hong Kong. But what do you expect from people who also eat saliva bird’s nest soup, monkey brain and sea cucumber.

 

Amazing Bonifacio (above) and its sea-side cemetery (below)

One note on the sea cucumber. A fascinating animal, not a vegetable. The thing lives at the bottom of the sea and looks like one giant hairy turd. It doesn’t have eyes or legs, it just is one long straight stomach. Basically, food gets in the one whole and goes straight out of the other. There is a little fish that always lives around the sea cucumber. When in danger, the little fish hides in the sea cucumber’s ass and feels warm and cosy. It pops in and out all the time. Pop pop! I learn so much on Discovery Channel, I tell ya!

 

Anyway, where was I? Oh yes, Corsica and the trailer. Well actually, I think the short intermission about the sea cucumber was a freudian slip for what happened on the last day.

 

 

Being the organized group that we are, before the trip, we assigned roles to the 5 of us. For example: One was to drive Bernard, I was going to cook, one was going to do the dishes, another one was to read maps and the last one was to give us orders and keep us focused.

 

 

Another thing we all agreed upon was that we wouldn’t use the bathroom since we were staying in camping grounds with all the shower and potty facilities. Moreover, nobody was really keen on emptying a chemical toilet full of compressed turd and other body fluids.

 

We all looked each-other in the eyes and made a solemn promise.

 

Hm… as you know, when you are 24/7 with your friends, you tend to discover how unreliable some of them can be. I won’t name names, but I can tell you that one in the group didn’t remember the promise they made and did both number one and number two in the chemical toilet. You know, it must’ve happened at night when everyone else was asleep with ear-plugs and too much under the influence to notice anthing. On the last day, the chemical toilet smelled of rotten sea-cucumber, therefore a very official meeting was organized around the foldable light-blue camping table. Who was the guilty friend? Who was the untrustworthy person with whom we’d never travel ever again? Nobody spoke then.

 

 

On the last day, we brought back the trailer to the trailer-rental office. We were supposed to clean it thoroughly and therefore empty the chemical production. One of the ladies said that she would do it. Such a heroic attitude was puzzling, she must have been the guilty girl. As she emptied the thing in a little ravine and spread the trees with chemical excrement and urin she admitted that she was the guilty girl. We were all relieved and gladly attended the emptying ceremony, the smearing on the trees and the slow destruction of Mother Nature, wondering how so much turd could be produced by such a small body.

 

 

 

Jean-Pierre Lamour, the only straight one of us, a real gentleman said he would help cleaning the chemical toilet with a water-hose that belonged to the car-rental. Unfortunately, he dropped a part of the hose into the ravine. We were desperate, what were we going to do? First we had emptied the potty in the ravine and destroyed nature with chemicals and now we had dropped a piece of the hose! Someone suggested that the one who’d dropped it, would go in the ravine to get the thing back. Jean-Pierre Lamour didn’t like the idea and claimed that he could not possibly jump in there with his Armani sneakers on. The question was then, who was willing to go into a ravine, through trees full of urin and stuff and get the damn hose back. That’s when everyone looked at me as I was pretending to do something else very important.
Compliments started flowing and everyone was suddenly in agreement on how strong and muscular I was and brave and flexible and really hot.

That last adjective activated my well hidden male hormones and I could almost hear the soundtrack of Wonder Woman sound through the Corsican evening air.

 

So, Yes, I went into a ravine surrounded by human production and got the damn hose back, one had held by two friends and the other trying to catch the hose with a fish net. For a few seconds I felt the cosiness that fish feels in the sea-cucmber’s ass, warm and fuzzy. I was crowned hero of the day and immediately asked to take a s.hower and change clothes. For that I deserve a big round of applause.
Call me Wonder Frog.

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12 Responses

  1. hello my favorite froggie in the world. what a nice place wish I could travel like you. did you get your mail keep checking its on its way. keep it save and dont laugh ok. and your nero counter is out of date

  2. Wonder Frog? I would pay to see you in that outfit. Does it come with flippers??? OMG, that’s a funny picture in my head.
    It looks like a wonderful trip, it really does. I don’t know if I could ever admit that I alone soiled the potty. Nope, I don’t think I could even use it except for if I was going to explode and I have a lot of self control. But you’ve got to give her credit, for being honest under pressure and then the degredation of having her picture taken for posterity, not posterior, of having to clean the latrene. You were so brave, peu de grenouille!

  3. You saved the day, Micke. Actually, i think you are all heroes for the simple fact that you were living in such a tight space 24/7!!! i would need a vacation after a vacation like that. Hehehe.
    So much to comment on this post. I could write a post about this post. But one thing i will have to remember is the travel rule. Thank goodness for ATMs. You made me think about my inter-rail experience, lack of money and too many clothes. Hmmmm

  4. hahaha! Bonifacio does look amazing, great photos!! I really must “do” Corsica one day, it looks beautiful.

  5. Oh Frog, what a hero! What a man…

    From the hot woman in Virginia. 😉

  6. Hi micke!

    Thanks for the comment!

    You’re welcome to visit whenever you want 🙂

    I’d love to go to Corsica, and the fact that it’s virtually empty is the main attraction it holds for me.

  7. WTF: Got the pic and as promised I’m not revealing anything, neither your hair color nor your gracious beauty. Now, what’s the deal with my nero counter? What is a Nero counter?

    Babs, I’m seriously considering dressing up as Wonder Frog at the next dressed up party. Can we have it at your place?

    Nyasha, ATMs are great when you have something in your account, it’s not always my case as I usually spend half of the month eating cheap pasta as i spent the first half of the month celebrating on wine, cigarettes and restaurants…

    Rhino, Bonifacio is one of the most beautiful places I’ve seen and you just GOT to go there soon, you won’t regret it.

    Hot woman from Virginia: Thanks, I know, I’m a super hero. Do you want me to come and save you. I can fly fast over the Atlantic with my beautiful pink cape and WF written on my massive chest. WF meaning Wonder Frog and not What the F***!

    Bom dia Vitor, so glad to see you here! Corsica, surprisingly is very empty, i expected tons of tourists, but NO! Still very wild. Perfect for a week but that makes me freak out afterwards.

  8. Oh, but of course. I’m going as Catwoman and already own the suit. I’ll have to buy a new whip as mine got wet and is molding, damn it, damn it to hell!Oh, and I will hire a professional corporate photographer,I know just the man!That would have to be recorded for posterity!!!

  9. Great Babs, I’m looking forward to receiving the official invite.

  10. Micke, sorry I couldn’t get to this until now, but I LOVED your story!

    Peer pressure is so bad isn’t it, my cousins always talked me into the most awful things, like smoking, and drinking… etc.

    Anyway! I’ll have to wait to watch the video from yesterday until I get home.

    Be good!

  11. Boa noite micke

    BTW, if you still remember your comment, me and nyasha were discussing the effects of axe on women.

    You guessed 50% right 😉

  12. […] First time I think I’ve mentioned something about sports. Well, if you exclude the time when I jumped into a ravine full of turd and saved the day, that is…  While hiking, I saw beautiful sceneries. There were definitely good spirits out […]

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