Le Frog hates to jog

Le fact: I’ve packed my 1987 ski overall and my Estonian woolen hat and I’m going skiing for a week with 5 friends.

Le concern: I have seldom traveled with more than one person and I hate sports.
I usually mix well with other people. I’m quite sociable and get along with most. However, this usually lasts for 2 days and then I can’t make any effort any longer. That’s when I turn into this anti-social monster and feel like being on my own all the time. I yawn at people’s face, I point out how loudly they chew when they eat, I make fun of their accent, I repeat what they say using a nasal high-pitched voice as a poor imitation of how they sound, I correct their grammar and finally I start picking my nose in front of them as I don’t give a damn about making a good impression anymore. I’m horrible!

Le setting: Let me give you a brief overview of the situation in order for you to understand why I’m worrying. I’ve changed my friends’ names in case they would want to sue me in the future.

Le Friend #1: We’ll call him Jean-Pierre Lamour. Jean-Pierre is a handsome straight 35 year old guy. A real metrosexual, likes to look good, spends hours in front of the mirror and could appear to some as a closet case. He is fit and loves to speak in lyrical but sometimes cliché terms: example: Good looking women are as beautiful as roses but can sting you in the heart if you don’t water them with endless love.
I’m very fond of him though, he’s a very sweet guy and a great friend.

La Friend #2: Sporty Dorothy is a hyperactive 32 year old girl, who jogs, rows, plays all sorts of sports, sleeps 4 hours at night. Has a loud and catchy.. no catching (as in contagious) laughter and likes to organize everything and gets upset if things don’t go her way. She’s adorable though.

La Friend #3: Scary Mary is a friend of Sporty Dorothy. I don’t know her but she sounds really scary.

La Friend #4: Barbie Baby is 31. She is very beautiful and all the boys fall in love with her as soon as they meet her. The boys love her, the girls hate her. She’s very smart and successful in everything she undertakes She has a tendency to tease other people all the time especially me.

Le Friend #5: Favorite Mr. B, 30 years old. The strong silent type who likes to analyze the situation before speaking. After a while, FMB will ask you all sorts of nosey questions in order to get to know you better. I mean, very nosey questions. FMB is successful at all sports even though he may not have tried them before.

Mickelino: 33 years old going on 47, a bit chubby, very lazy and genuinely worried about spending a whole week with sporty people. The only thing Mickelino would like to do on his vacation is to sip on a cocktail, smoke cigarettes, sit on a terrace overlooking the Alps, wearing a veil on his head and dark sunglasses , go to cheesy karaoke bars at night and choose the restaurant.

Don’t misunderstand me, I love skiing. That’s about the only physical thing I can do properly (yeah yeah…), but I have problems with “in your face” healthy people who keep on screaming “we’re so healthy, we’re so fit, in corpo sano blah blah…” all day long. My theory has never been in corpo sano…, rather in vino veritas. Therefore, I’m mostly worried about my nasty tendencies to say things as days go by that I might regret later.

What is going to happen to me?


10 Responses

  1. First of all, I will miss you dearly. You are so much like me. Take me out of my own element for too long and I become an obnoxious snot. Bore me with your flitter for just so long and I begin to make my own party in my own mind and it’s like a mosh pit where everybody is slam dancing but with insults.I hate to admit it but I am antisocial, especially with the, what I call socialite wannabe’s here on Long Island, an upper crust kinda place. I will do and say things eventually for shock value alone and revel as you squirm. I do this to my own sister everyday for God sakes I can’t be trusted. I’m rude, crude and socially unacceptable.Then put a drink in my hand, well after a while,it certain I’ll read somebody’s ass. But I do the same thing as you just described; I pick them apart mentally, I profile them and often sit back and watch them and how they interact with other people. I amuse myself.You’re one up on me with picking your nose though, oh I’ve never done that one. I just scratch my ass like I just woke up or have bugs or something. That works usually. But have a good time my frog and break a leg. Whoops is that just for when the show’s about to start? Well, don’t break a leg and you must report all the sordid, savory,savvy details when you get back. Squish the touche!xoxo

  2. You are going to come back a transformed man…you’ll give up fags (of both variety), alcohol, bars and clubs. You’ll gym religiously, eat healthily and go to bed early.

    You’re going to become a crashing BORE!!

    Have fun, I’m sure you will.

  3. OMG Nomad, I hope not!!But what if he does? Is there some kind of intervention we can do? Please let me know!

  4. Micke have fun anyway! Try not to over-analyze or obsess the character flaws (I don’t consider them flaws!) I’d much rather prefer a nice wine, and a wonderful view… with great company.

    Then maybe some fooling around a little later. That’s just me though!

  5. I hope you’re having fun. See, I keep coming back here and no one’s home. I miss you already. I feel like a stalker. I do adore you and I’ll be glad when you come back wrought with a tale to spin.xoxo

  6. Hope you are enjoying yourself.
    Remember to visit PE on your next holiday with you’re two own personal tour guides (me and Buddess)

  7. OK, I’ve just about had enough of your running rampant. Get your ass home this instant, I’m tired of worrying about you. Don’t you even care that I sit here sick with worry that you are all hungover and at wits end. Dammit, Mickelino, how long must I hold out till you stride in like a happy snow bunny with your skies all waxed and a snap in your step. How long? You better be having a damn good time to put me through this worry. What if you were molested by some buff ski instructor or something. I am wrought with assumptions. This better be good! I want all the details. Don’t try to spare me as I am beyond that now. Hurry back, I’m just lost w/o you around.xoxo

  8. Both Babs and I keep coming back to see if you’re back in the real world of fags, drink and dark rings under the eyes. Still no sign though! 😦

  9. Nomad, I just stand the suspense, it’s killing me. If I have to hop a plane to Paris, there’s gonna be some explaining to do. He said, 5 (five) days. Now, I’ve been as patient as I can be sitting here with my thumb in my bum, you know worried is he drooling on himself at the drudgery of this socialite enlistment. Is he flicking bugers at people to be impetuis, my God, there’s just no telling what could be happening. Maybe it’s a cabana boy but a ski version that has him holed up in some seedy place and all he’s eaten is take-out food and drinking cheap wine…OMG. I’m worried sick…is he having a better time than me? Dirty wanker!

  10. Le Copycat. Scary Mary? Åh, så Barbie Girl åkte skidor?

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