Reanimating old ladies

A few days ago, an old lady fell uncounscious on the subway. Everybody started screaming (including me) but didn’t come up with any practical suggestions to facilitate the old lady’s return to life.
Suddenly Nurse Betty (she did look like Renée Zellweger) showed up from behind a weekly gossip magazine and performed CPR on the old lady. I fell in love with her instantly (the nurse). The whole scene happened in some kind of slow-motion movie-like scene, Nurse Betty’s hair flapping on old lady’s chest. Expressions of terror on bystanders’s faces.
When I came back home I thought about how cool Nurse Betty looked as she performed CPR. I immediately wanted to be as cool as her (I hadn’t fallen in love with her, I just wanted to BE her!) in case some good-looking creature were to faint in front of me. As I can’t bother to take a CPR class thing, I decided to google CPR in order to find an easy and clear way to know the basics. Thankfully, I found this…


If the video doesn’t work, don’t ask me, I won’t be able to help.

Yesterday night, I thought I had to start performing my new CPR skills on the old bitch from the second floor (Bitchum Magna) when she saw that a very good looking tranny moved in our building. This is just so great! I hope he/she organizes wild and glamorous glitter-parties.

Before I let you go and enjoy your weekend, please take a few minutes to meditate on this marvellous poem I learnt a few years ago:

Jack and Jill
Went up the hill
Jack wanted to lick Jill’s fanny
But Jack’s in such shock
His mouth full of cock
Didn’t know Jill was a tranny!

Bon weekend mes amis!

Advertisements

7 Responses

  1. OMG, I’ve turned into french maid loving lesbian in a single instant. Thank you for the informative educational video. I may have to come back and watch that again,WOW!
    Poor Jack is playing the crying game,eh? Sice you guys have a life and I don’t please live it up this weekend but behave yourselves. Well, if you find you just can’t, you must blog it! Hugs,kisses and that lil’pinch on the…

  2. You are quite mad!

    Do you remember the song, ‘My Neighbourhood’ by Space? Early nineties:

    Who lives in a house like this?
    Who lives in a house like this?
    In number 69 there lives a transvestite
    He’s a man by day
    But he’s a woman at night
    There’s a man in number 4 who swears he’s Saddam Hussein
    Say’s he’s on a chore to start
    The Third World War
    Oh if you find the time
    Please come and stay a while
    In my beautiful neighbourhood
    In 110 they haven’t paid the rent
    So there goes the TV with the
    Repo men
    In 999 they make a living from crime
    The house is always empty ‘cos they’re
    All doing time
    Oh if you find the time
    Please come and stay a while
    In my beautiful neighbourhood
    My neighbourhood
    My-my-my beautiful neighbourhood
    My neighbourhood
    My-my-my beautiful neighbourhood
    Who lives in a house like this?
    Who lives in a house like this?
    In number 18 there lives a big butch queen
    He’s bigger than Tyson
    And he’s twice as mean
    In 666 there lives a Mr Miller
    He’s our local vicar
    And a serial killer
    Oh if you find the time
    Please come and stay a while
    In my beautiful neighbourhood
    My neighbourhood
    My-my-my beautiful neighbourhood
    My neighbourhood
    My-my-my beautiful neighbourhood
    Who lives in a house like this?
    Who lives here man?
    Who lives in a house like this?
    Oh they want to knock us down
    ‘Cos they think we’re scum
    But we will all be waiting
    When the bulldozers come
    In a neighbourhood like this you know
    It’s hard to survive
    So you’d better come prepared
    ‘Cos they won’t take us alive
    Oh if you find the time
    Please come and stay a while
    In my beautiful neighbourhood
    My neighbourhood
    My-my-my beautiful neighbourhood
    My neighbourhood
    My-my-my beautiful neighbourhood

  3. My Mickelino, so quiet. xoxo

  4. A riddle…

    There was an old lady in Sheen,

    Whose grandchildren numbered sixteen.

    Four-ninths of the boys,

    Were too old to want toys,

    So how many girls must that mean?

  5. oh Rob, I don’t have the logical intelligence that is required to solve this problem… I’ll think about it.
    Babs, I’m on a business trip in Lyon this week. I’ll be visiting your sites during my breaks but I have no time to post before the weekend.
    You can come by every now and then and squeeze my tushy though.
    Nomad, that’s an interesting song you’ve posted here, never heard of it. It sounds horrible actually.

  6. Babs, I’ve just seen that you tagged me! ouch! I’ll try to answer these questions though…

  7. Not a horrible song, a fun one.

    You’ve gone quiet – does it take you that long to think up answers to a tag?

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: